The Sunset Rib Challenge

Sunset Cantina offers a Monday and Tuesday night all-you-can-eat rib special for $14.99.  As I am already a big fan of this restaurant chain (their nachos are the best of the best), I decided to give it a shot.  Steve, my feasting partner in crime, and I rolled in on a crisp early spring evening.  Steve brought back-up, another connoisseur of eating, Dan, who often self-proclaims that he can “eat a large pizza in one sitting.”

We each ordered the rib special, a round of beers, and waited in silent meditation for the battle to come.  Sunset’s rib special consists of a full rack of bbq Texas beef ribs, 2 sides of your choice, and a generous portion of corn bread.  Subsequent reorder rounds are ½ rib racks, and no sides.  Our plates arrived and the battle began.

Steve and I, seasoned veterans, began tucking away at our rib racks.  Dan, the newbie, made the mistake of going at his cornbread first.  “I love cornbread!” the guy later apologetically exclaimed.  But these were beef ribs folks – large 6 inch slabs of meat and bone that carried a hefty weight of beef on each rib.  It’s a messy, non-gentile method to eat these bad boys.  Both elbows on the table, solid strong grip on each end of the bone, and start gnawing away.

Breaks between ribs allowed us to slosh down some cold Coors Light – and it is no easy task perfecting the practiced balance of holding a half eaten rib in your greasy right hand while awkwardly gripping your equally greased up left thumb and pinky finger onto your 24 oz beer glass already slippery with meat juices.  Almost synchronized sounds of satisfactory belching chimed occasionally in between the methodical motions of 3 men engaged in the serious business of eating ribs.

Minimal talk occurred.  Bales of napkins were utilized and discarded.  Occasional sheepish glances to the nearby tables of college coeds and their thinly-veiled dark eyes of disgust and judgment quickly brought down our humbled eyes back on the challenge.

I displaced my first round of ribs rather quickly.  Steve was approximately 75% done, while Dan, done with his cornbread and his SIDE DISH (!?!), was only about ½ done with his rack.  I gave a graceful seated bow among their murmurs of surprise and impressiveness, and ordered another round of ribs.

When the smoke cleared and dust settled, I reigned in as champion with consuming 2 reorders of ribs.  Steve was unable to finish his second reorder, and Dan was only able to finish about ½ his first reorder (he did finish all of my cornbread as well though).

Side anecdote:  During one of the few moments of conversation, Steve and I inquired as to why Dan did not eat his second side dish.  Dan explained that the “coleslaw I ordered looks weird.”  Upon further inspection, Steve and I discovered that Dan’s side dish was not in fact weird-looking coleslaw, but a vegetable medley – a mixture of broccoli and cauliflower sauteed in garlic and olive oil.  Which brought up the question “Dan, you do know what broccoli and cauliflower looks like right?”

Here’s the photo of the aftermath, taken while under the duress of meat giggles, so the impromptu symbolism here is that, “new life forms from the graveyard bones of the old.”

Total damage assessment: 4.5 racks of beef ribs consumed.

Introduction

There is a psychological effect in the human mind which is trauma-induced.  There is a place in the brain that activates beyond the boundaries of ordinary culinary delight, past the realm of sensory olfaction and taste, and well over the limit of nutrition and common sense.  At this juncture, the mind is super-saturated with sea salt, marinated in barbecue sauce, and slathered in blue cheese. Physical symptoms include slowed and shallow breathing, profuse sweating, and of course, uncontrollable giggling.  It is almost as if the primitive brain stem of the homo sapien takes over while the intellectual, modern, and sophisticated man is knocked unconscious from excessive but glorious food intake.

We here, at the Meat Giggle Institute of Research and Development (M.G.I.R.D.), are devoted to the study and exploration of this fifth dimension.  In our attempt for public transparency, we are honest when we state that our work is dangerous, laborious, and not all are expected to survive.  Welcome.